StarryEyed

Hello all,

Sorry I have been so MIA for the past… how many days? A week? Ten? Can’t keep track. It has been a really crazy time lately… that has worked out quite well I believe. I have a computer now (hurrah!) which was sold to me by a veeeeery nice young man, who unfortunately I didn’t see when I went to pick it up, because I had decided to ask him out to coffee if he was there. (Getting bold there ) .

The coffee gig didn’t really work out BUT before you worry, I am now gainfully employed elsewhere.

Peet’s called me to re-schedule my training and then didn’t call, even though they said they wanted me to start ASAP. I called them last Monday and still haven’t heard anything. It is okay though, because I was offered a job in an oral surgery office and now I don’t feel guilty about going in and starting when I had been offered another job first (although I hadn’t signed anything).

So, I am now working as a receptionist and soon-to-be surgical assistant. My boss also pays for any and all training and certifications AND I discovered that every time I do something to ‘better’ myself, like becoming an x-ray tech or doing an advanced cardiac support certification, I get an automatic pay raise. (lovely for me because I hate negotiating). I am happy with my starting pay but I mean… who says no to a chance to up their salary?

I am sorry I have been so remiss in my buddyslimming. Thanks to everyone for the booster notes and thank you especially to lara for your email checking in on me. I am well, I’ve just been busy. As far as weight goes… it has stayed the same. My eating is not bad at all, but I know I’m not doing everything I can to speed me on my weight-loss journey. I also saw some very unflattering photos of me today…. my body doesn’t look so bad but I am carrying a lot in my face. My cheeks kind of take over the photos… it’s hard to describe since I don’t have a round face.. but it’s just a sort of swollen look I guess…. like, “oh, she would have cheekbones and you can sort of see them but they are under something…”

I am recommitting myself to fitness. AMAZINGLY, I found out that the doctor who heads my office makes his personal trainer available to the girls twice a week. So, those will be two hard hard workouts during the week and then I will try to swim on the weekends. I plan to first aim for 3 times a week without fail and then add in a fourth if I can work out the pool times at the gym. My friend Paige is a swimmer and is going to teach me about stroking correctly and breathing and building up a program. I am finally kind of getting it…. I didn’t like my situation with school and I changed it and got a job. Why haven’t I applied that to my body ?? It’s time for a kick in the rear. Hardcore food journaling, I have decided, is my first step.

xxx Jessica

Hello all!

Today is nice and cool and I am definitely going to take advantage of it. I need to walk to a post box (i actually had to look up where it was online hehe) to drop of my Netflix (early birthday present, thank you parents!) and then I think I am going to make lunch. After lunch, I think I am going to walk to Trader Joe’s and back. It’s about three miles and you are going uphill on the way there. Gooood exercise. I need to plan out what I am getting beforehand though because

1. It will be really hard to carry back heavy things, like milk.

2. I need to watch my cash-ola.

If I don’t go to Trader Joe’s I think I will do a pilates video here at home. I’m a little low energy today because I slept funny, but I still am going to do some kind of exercise. Trying to plan out what to cook for lunch. Made thai curry last night but the sauce was kind of awful. I actually really want to make chicken. I think I am having a weird protein craving moment.

 Speaking of protein, I am recommending Think Thin bars! Ignore the obnoxious (in my opinion) name…they are the first ‘meal’ bars I have eaten that actually fill me up. They have 20g of protein and (attention celiac personnel) they are GLUTEN-FREE which makes me so excited. They are also sugar free and come in a decent variety of flavors.

 Not much else to do today. I am going to try and write in my journal because I have been really bad about that lately. I did a really good cleaning yesterday… scrubbed down my bathroom and then vacuumed my room. It’s all sparkly. Last night, I watched ‘Notorious’ with Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman. What an insanely beautiful woman. Le sigh.

Well, I’m off. Hope everyone is well!

xxx Jessica

EDIT: I’ve been trying to think of something to motivate me when I feel like eating crappy foods or just sitting around all day… something that I miss maybe. I really really miss seeing my weight at 12-something…. i associate it with dance and being at my most fit and also the happiest in my body. I like having my mini-goals, because I think “20 lbs to go” is really daunting, but I’m keeping those numbers in my minds eye and trying to remind myself how close they actually are, if I will work at it.

Hello all, happy Sunday!!

 I have a funny mess of things going on in this post, so I will try to organize it as well as possible! First and most importantly, just a few minutes ago I got the official call and I got my coffee shop job!! I have my first day of training this Friday which is great because not only does it give me some adjustment time, I also have my ENT appt this week and there was NO WAY I was going to reschedule that.

I actually heard on Thursday that I had gotten my job, but it was done in a really weird way. The person who helped me get my interview is an ex of mine. He got me the interview which was sooo nice of him, but he didn’t really help me with anything else. I had called him  b/c I had questions about the person I was interviewing with, if there was anything about me I should emphasize etc etc and he never called me back. Besides that, it was a stressful week (unidentified tongue lump, heretofor referred to as the UTL ). Anyway, to make a long and windy story short… he called me and we discussed my interview. He said he didnt think I had been hired. He then showed up at my house that night (uninvited and with no warning) to tell me that the manager had actually said she was going to hire me. It could have been a funny joke… but he let me think for the rest of the day that I wasn’t hired and I have also been looking for work for mooonths. So, it was not so funny to me. Oh well, le sigh. I need to pray for patience because he just seems to bring out the worst in me and I always feel bad for getting so easily irritated with him. It seems sometimes as though he designs all of his comments to antagonize me and  I am not easily antagonized. I dont like to fight.

Well, the important thing is I am hired and starting soon and that is a huge weight off of my shoulders. The starting pay there (plus tips!) is also better than any other similar job I’ve seen. Huzzah! And, it sounds as though getting a raise is kind of imminent… she said she was only starting me so low because i had no barista experience, so i’m guessing i could be re-evaluated in a few months.

I didn’t lose any this week (SORRY ROCKSTARS) and I am trying to not let it get me down. I’ve been reading a lot of inspiring posts this afternoon and I know I can get off my butt and work it! I’ll need to be in better shape for my job anyway or else it will kick my BUTT, and I don’t want to be exhausted everyday for the next year, you know? I have to admit, I am excited to be on my feet all day because i KNOW that helps me lose weight. I’ll also be lifting and moving things and cleaning the whole store, so it’s kind of like doing chores around the house all day, which is great exercise in my opinion.

I made a lovely red wine pasta today which was yummy yum and low in calories. I also only ate half of what I made. I’m getting better and better about portion control which is exciting to me. Now, I just need to be able to say, “i know that looks like a tiny portion, but you know you will only eat that much anyway…. you don’t NEED to cook twice the amount, even if you will save the rest.”

Okay, so I shall finish up with my goals for the week.

GOALS!!

 1. Exercise 3-4 times a week.

2. Cook/make ONLY what I need, so that I will eliminate even the possibility of eating more than I should.

3. Maintain a positive attitude and celebrate my accomplishments, instead of harping on my defects.

You all inspire me so much! I hope you’re having a great day!

xx Jessica

Hello all!

I hope you’re having a nice Wednesday. The weather here has finally cooled off, so I’m going to do some walking outside again.

Yesterday was bad and I felt very out of control. I ate a lot at night and kind of realized halfway through that I was eating to punish myself in a way. Sounds bizarre maybe, but that’s how I felt. I was very aware that I didn’t want anything ( i lose my appetite when very stressed) but I kept stuffing food down. I saw that i started to do that this morning as well but instead of continuing to eat, I disposed of the extra food on my plate.

It felt like a big step back for me and something I really need to watch for. Yesterday all these things happened… the tongue situation, I got my computer back from Tech services only to find out the internet still doesn’t work, some kind of mildew is growing on my wall again, etc etc. Then I realized that none of these things are my fault, or are the result of anything that I did. So, why am I punishing myself? I’m trying to puzzle that over.

Today is a new day, i have decided. I am going to write in my journal and take my walk… possibly all the way to the grocery store and back which is about 3 miles. I think it’s cool enough out to do that and I’d rather not go to the gym. I’m going to clean my room and vacuum it. I think I’m also going to read the a little bit of my Bible. I asked my mother to send it out here because even just having it in my room comforts me.. but I should really start reading it. If anyone has any passages they’d like to reccommend, I’m all ears. I’m Catholic and I think our catechism is different from a lot of other Christian religions. It wasn’t Bible study as much as it was learning about the religion and then reading sections to better understand why we believe what we do. It’s a daunting book to make headway into so again, anything you find particularly inspiring I will definitely read.

Off I go to read blogs and then clean up and take my walk!

xxx jessica

Hi fellow buddies…

Today is a not fun day for me. Nothing to do with dieting though. For the past not-quite-two weeks, I have had something under my tongue… some kind of ugly bump that I think has gotten smaller but it isn’t easy to tell. Anyway, it started freaking me out so I went to the doctor today. She basically listed all these scary possibilities and then said, “but I don’t thiiiink it looks like that.” So, now I’m going to an ENT (ear nose throat) to have it checked out, but I have to wait for a week and a half. She didn’t tell me to go to one, just gave me a referral in case it got bigger or became painful, but honestly, I am not so confident in her doctoring abilities.

It made me really homesick for my doctor at home, who i trust completely and if she didn’t know something, she’d refer me to someone and say “so and so is great, they’ll help you out etc” and I would believe that they were great. But, I’m out here, finangling this whole situation by myself and trying not to expect the worst. I had a biopsy last year, which was scary, but once they had taken it I felt this strange calm like, “okay, they’ve taken all the information so all you can do is wait for the test results.. you’ve done everything you were supposed to. ” It’s this waiting to get to the point where i have indeed done everything I can to safeguard my health that is driving me insane.

To my credit though, i came from that doctor’s appt and went into a job interview and got invited back for the second and final round. So, it’s good to know I can hold it together for stuff like that. I’m just upset, which is weird because I am a fairly calm person and I tried to talk to my mom but she all she did was tell me it was fine and then she had to run out on the conversation after five minutes. I know the “it’ll be fine” is trying to reassure me, but it’s a promise i wouldn’t make to anyone. I am not expecting the worst, but I don’t want to be unprepared for it.

Sorry this is such a downer post. I don’t have really anyone out here I want to talk to about it, but I needed to write it somewhere. I hope you are all having a good day. Off to read the blogs.

xxx jessica

Hello lovely buddy slimmers!

Well, to start with, I cannot believe I am MVP from last week. That is amazing and surreal and I know it will push me even harder to not let all of my other rockstars down. I set larger goals on the forum but for all who don’t read them they were :

1. To comment on at least 3 blogs a day.

2. To plan out my meals for the week and THEN go grocery shopping

3. To alternate doing either the elliptical or a pilates video every day.

Now, unfortunately I didn’t do my exercise yesterday. I think I kept waiting for it to get cooler and kept waiting and kept waiting and then before I knew it I had to go to do some work and got back at 11. Still my fault… I need to set myself a more hardcore schedule. Or, at least do the pilates video when I get home because there is no excuse not to work out when you don’t even have to move.

 I’m going to a job fair today for a coffee shop with a friend of mine and hopefully they hire me. It’s work I think I would enjoy, it seem to be an area in which people are always hiring and i really NEED MONEY so anything where I could start right away would be splendifferous. Don’t worry, I won’t answer “i’m dirt poor” when they ask me why i want to work there. Although, I’m sure that answer would stand out from the other applicants….. I kid, I kid.

Reading the blogs today and everyone is so inspiring. I love reading people who kind of write to themselves and are adjusting their own attitudes or ways of thinking about things. I don’t think anyone has a good attitude 100% of the time… but to maintain something pretty close to that, it’s always going to be a series of mini-adjustments, kind of like driving on a straight road I guess. (okay I know I am pouring cheese all over this post.)

Well, I must shower and look up things on the internet so that I can sound familiar with their shop. I hope you are all having a great day wherever you are!!!

xxx Jessica

Well, I weighed myself this morning and it says I am 5 pounds lighter than I was about 11 or 12 days ago. I am not sure I believe this. I know weight (or rather, weighing yourself) depends on so many things… what you had eaten the day before, what time of day you’re doing it at etc etc. I am more inclined to think I possibly weighed less than 140 so that in actuality I’ve probably lost more like 2-3 pounds. I know I should sound more excited about this, but yesterday I washed my jeans and dried them (a mistake) and could barely get them on again. Not the greatest feeling when they are YOUR pants. So, I’m trying to make some mini goals for myself for today (in keeping with Rockstar regulations )

1. Buy cucumbers, tomatoes and onion and garlic. Make yerself a nice greek salad at some point today.

2. Get some kind of excercise.

3. Clean room and vacuum (amazing deterrent against new and sneakier fleas).

I do have a longer term goal and that is to have those jeans be much more comfy by next friday. Not saying they have to hang down around my hips… but not pinch so much would be nice. I love them and am not planning on giving them up anytime soon. So, I guess it was a good wakeup call.

It kind of gave me awful envious feelings towards my roomate who has gotten thinner and thinner and thinner. I don’t think she looks particularly healthy now and I am happy to say I don’t want HER body, but I definitely miss my dancers body. My longest term goals…

To feel beautiful and strong and always be standing up straight.

Off to comment, hope you are all doing well!!

xxxJessica

EDIT:

I am trying to figure out the forums as well as i can so that I am not a star of slacking as opposed to ROCK! So, I looked around on the rockstar forum and I saw how holly rockstar had subscribed to a bunch of blogs so that she could read them first thing without even having to think about it. So, I stole the idea (sorry holly! ) and am really excited to log in tomorrow and have all of these posts just waiting for me.

On another note… I may be working in a coffee shop for a while to bring in some much needed money, which means I will probably be literally standing on my feet all day. Good, non?

Xxxx to you all!

Hello all!!

 So sorry I’ve been seemingly MIA the last few days… I had no internet access and also had to clear out of my home because (as my subject title suggests) we had fleaaaaas in our apartment. They are now gone and I hope they will never come back!! I still don’t have my own computer but my roomate is generously letting me use hers. Huzzah!!

I’ve been doing well I think.. especially in terms of eating. I have been very careful to stpo when i am satisfied… with the result that I usually have at least half of my food left over! That is fine by me, because it makes lunch the next day a no-brainer! I hope that one day I will get to the point of being able to eyeball my portions better and also to understand my level of hunger better. Then at least, I would be able to try out more recipies per bag of pasta/rice/ container of tofu etc etc…

 I made tofu with tahini and veg the other day and it was heaaaaaaven. i forgot how delicious tahini is. I’m trying to experiment with new sauces and I have been really proactive in getting my booty in gear. I haven’t done gym time… more like long walks with friends in my very hilly neighborhood… but I also try to make sure I get out and take smaller walks throughout the day… just upping my daily motion I guess. I feel good!

 I havent heard back from that job yet which makes me sad/worried because I really wanted it. If I haven’t heard by the end of today I am supposed to call the office. I am hoping that  he will just say they had a ton of applicants and are still deciding…… because in that case I think that my phone call will at least put my name in front of him again and show how badly I want this position. Worst case scenario? I hunt down part time work at least for now, so I can have some money coming in for bills and minor expenses. I’d really rather find permanent employment though. Le sigh. All will be well. I feel like i am getting more and more productive and that should in some way attract better situations to me… we’ll see.

I hope you all are doing well. I’m off to comment!!!

xxJessica

Hello all!

 First of all, I have to say how amazed I am at the support on this site. I have a few more buddies now and everyone really takes the time to read and respond to what you have written. I’m doing my best to do the same for as many people as possible. Spread the looooove ;).

I had a job interview this morning that I think went really well. It’s good pay and has benefits so it would be amaaazing if I got it. I’ll know by next wednesday. I’m sending a follow up email tomorrow to say, ‘thanks so much for meeting me, so excited about this opportunity’ etc etc etc. I have been sending out applications like crazy and for this job i will fight! fight to the death! I may not be tall but I am definitely scrappy.

Enough of that! Today my eating is… not good so far. I did well on my interview and then treated myself to a calorific breakfast/lunch. I do have something good and fresh to have for dinner tonight (leftovers from yesterday) so that’s good and doesn’t require any thinking. I also called my friend R to see if she wanted to go to the gym tonight. I hope she calls back. I don’t like literally working out with someone (e.g. running alongside someone) but if I have made a commitment I will show up. Nobody likes a flake.

Well, tonight.. plans? Hmm. I may rent a movie. I’ve been reading like a fiend lately which has been fun but I don’t feel like I’ve been pushing myself much. My mother is (thank god) supportive of my book habit and helps me out with it, though I try to find what i can at second hand bookstores. If anyone has read anything amazing lately (or just fun!) shoot me a message or leave me a title in the comments! I will say, not having my computer, although it has produced huge amounts of anxiety has been really good for me. I do hope I get it back soon. It has all of my music, etc on it.

Well, I hope everyone is having an awesome thursday! I’ve been very bad and lazy about my food log ( i think because i have been naughty) but I am going to try and be very diligent about it… so whatever I eat I know I’m going to have to see the numbers on.

Le sigh. Off I go!

xxJessica

Hello all!

 It’s been a very stressful couple of days since I signed up on this website and I’m not going to lie, I definitely backslid in terms of healthy eating BUT the biggest difference that I see, in terms of all the different diets and programs I have tried before… is I am back on here, blogging and reading people’s profiles, planning a grocery shopping list and figuring out the weird hours of the gym out here. There is a rockstar weigh in on sunday and I’d really like to get my booty in gear before then so no matter the number, I know it will be changing soon enough.

(a little vent here) SO… I am not in school and looking for a job which is pretty difficult in and of itself. My apartment has recently acquired fleas (gross, I know, sorry) which are apparently very common out here when the weather heats up. My computer (and connection to craigslist/ potential employers) may be giving its death rattle. And i have bills coming up and no money coming in. Sorry to vent, but it’s a lot of scary stuff and I figure it’s probably better for me that I say it rather than not.

BUT, I have been doing some good diet thinking. I was trying to remember when in my life I felt the best in terms of my relationship to food… what I was eating and how often etc..and I remembered a summer I went to Greece and then Spain. In Greece I did not diet at all and didn’t really do a lot of excercise… some walking really… ate probably 3 square meals a day and lost something like 6 lbs in a very short amount of time. I’m not very tall, so it looked like a lot. I remember the vegetables there tasted better than any I have ever had and I ate a lot of things I would never order for myself (zucchini, for example).  So, staples of my diet there? Yoghurt/honey, greek salad, beets/garlic dip, roasted potatoes, all kinds of thinly sliced grilled veg, fruit and good coffee.

Then, I went to spain where i lost a ton of weight, which I think partly had to do with the food and partly had to do with the fact that I was walking around all day everyday in heat between 95-105 degrees for a month. That kind of heat is a serious appetite suppressant to me and back then i was celiac AND vegetarian so my diet was not very varied. I would not try to replicate that… BUT, I do love gazpacho (i ate it everyday) and tortilla espanola (basically a kind of omelette with potatoes).

So, I”m trying to think of specific dishes when I go shopping. I’m not at the point of planning out my meals for the week, although I hope to be.. especially when I start working. I’m going to buy a Mediterranean cookbook. Yesterday I bought a tofu cookbook at a used bookstore and i hope to post some recipies as soon as I get my own computer back!

Tonight I am going to try to either work out or just take a long walk around my (hilly) neighborhood. I get out of breath very easily and the difference in how much I move here in L.A. (vs New York where i am from) is huuuuuuuge.

 So, goals for the day?

1.  Grocery shopping - vegetables, mediterranean dishes, some nuts and good cheeses, nice ingredients for sauces for tofu etc

2. Write in my journal (i did it for the first time in a looong time yesterday and it felt so good).

3. dump or give away the crappy stuff in my cupboards (things that may not be 100% celiac friendly which I buy because i am too dependent on packaged foods to hunt down all of the ones specifically marked ‘gluten-free’… very bad habit) . Things with a ton of unnecessary sugar, etc.

4. Laundry.

Okay, I think that is it for the day. Wish me luck!!

xxJessica

 P.S. Such a long entry again, yeesh. sorry!

p.s. I am SOOOO excited to have joined a team!! I couldn’t believe that I got invited and (cheesy moment) It made me feel really good and welcome. Thanks to Holly and Lara!