StarryEyed

Hello all,

 I have definitely not been as committed to BuddySlim as I had originally planned but I know I need to be accountable- and seeing what I do day to day keeps me on track… it’s just like with finances, if I don’t force myself to check in and be careful of my balance I will end up spending every last dollar in my account.

So, I have decided to make a few small changes that I do consistently and then can build upon. Change number one :

Always take the stairs at work (I am always going from the ground to 4th floor).

Change number two: 

Start taking a 20-30 minute walk in the mornings- I am planning on moving into the couch to 5k plan after two weeks of walking.

Change number three:

Plan out my meals at least 3 days in advance and shop accordingly.

So these are my little changes. Hopefully they will propel me forward. I hope you are all doing well!

xx Jessica

I called Curves yesterday and set up an appointment for Saturday. This is a really small thing- but I’m actually surprised that I had the follow-through and set it up. It’s ironic really - because a major part of my job involves follow-through, but I am lacking it in spades in my personal life. . I spoke to a really nice woman and I’m going to tour the facility and see how everything works and then possibly do a workout. It is all very low-key, which I appreciate.

Doing alright with eating today- nothing wildly unhealthy but I did consume some gluten, which may mean a stomachache for me later. I’m trying to decide whether or not to go out tonight with a group of people from work (there is a weekly bar night). Part of me feels like I want to be more of a presence and make deeper relationships with these people (especially some of the guys… ahem), but another part of me wants to go into hiding and then emerge this completely gorgeous and transformed person…. even though I know that may be months and months down the road. I’ve noticed though that my current weight definitely deters me from actually wanting to be intimate with anybody- which may be a good thing for me. Slow things down, in a way.

I’m thinking about making a weekly menu every weekend and then shopping accordingly. It’s hard to do- especially since my food has so much to do with my whims. At least I can plan out my breakfast and lunches- eating the greek yoghurt w/ granola and splenda was delicious and really made me feel good. I think if I do that and also keep some fruit around the office that will be a good and consistent breakfast. (I’m never hungry early enough to eat at home). As for dinners… i can try to plan them out… I feel as though I may need to stop stocking some things (pasta) that I can never seem to get a handle on portion-wise. When I’m starving a big plate of pasta just sounds soooo perfect. Sometimes, I replace the pasta with tofu- something I haven’t been doing as often. I’ll make yummmy homemade spaghetti sauce, sautee some tofu and then pour the sauce over it. Much better for me. And just as hot and satisfying. SO- goals for the end of this week/ this weekend.

1. Attend my appointment at Curves (and workout- as a sub-goal).

2. Do a major cleanup of my room.

3. Write out a menu for the coming week and shop accordingly.

4. Break out my pristine journal and actually write. I feel like I will want to have a record of the coming months and it’s a way to get to know yourself.

Happy Thursday everyone!

xx Jessica

Hello to you all!

 Today, I am planning on calling my local Curves to set up a tour for Saturday. I got a really nice response email from the manager there, so I’m hoping it is as welcoming as I imagine.

My roommate got me a little worried this morning. She is overweight and has a very slow metabolism but in general does not eat particularly large amounts and she is pretty regular about exercise- so I would definitely call her a healthy person. She joined a gym a few weeks ago and it has been all she can talk about. Instead of it being a great addition to her life- it’s sort of taking over her life (and dominates at least a part of our conversation every day). She was talking about how now she “has” to go four times a week because it’s “not working.” I think it’s great that she is working out regularly- but her attitude towards it is one of obligation and she feels intense guilt about missing a session (even if she can make it up). I am trying to avoid those conversations as much as possible (I do have history with an E.D.) and I’m trying to think of a way to help her be more positive about it.

In light of these things- I think I may keep Curves a secret from her. I don’t want to get a greater sense of competition (which I already feel as relates to the food I eat) and I don’t want her mindset to affect mine. Does this seem like overkill?

 I’m doing a pretty good job with food so far- I definitely overate yesterday at this weird team meeting I had yesterday but I’m back on track with yoghurt and granola for breakfast and the i brought some plain brown rice, black beans and corn that I’m going to heat up and add some soy sauce to for a yummy, filling lunch.

I hope you are all having a great day!

xx Jessica

Happy Monday!

As you can see from the title of this blog… I feel as though I am slowly building steam towards my goals, which makes me very happy. I’m trying to identify things in my life that I need to work on and celebrating the good things that I already have/ good decisions or accomplishments of my own. I think I am going to bite the bullet and go and visit a Curves- it’s funny that that should seem so intimidating to me, since it is supposed to be the kind of gym where you go if you are intimidated by regular gyms. Hopefully, it works out because there is a location really really close to my home! I’d love to get into the habit of working out in the mornings- it seems like such a great way to start your day.

I’ve decided to spend more time focusing on myself and sort of cultivating what makes me happy. I want to spend more time: reading, writing, keeping in touch with friends who are far away and working on my spirituality. I definitely feel (as cliche as it sounds) as though I have sort of seperated myself from God. It was really hard to admit to myself- the same way the weight gain was hard to admit. With the weight gain I was thinking, ‘well, okay i know I have gained some weight but that doesn’t make me overweight or chubby…. i have a small frame, i’m just getting more curvy. And I can lose it in a minute.” I kept thinking that way until these 30 pounds crept on to my frame (which is small so it is even more noticeable). The same thing with spirituality- “well okay, I don’t pray and I haven’t been to church in more than a year and I don’t really feel connected- but that doesn’t mean anything. I could get back on track in an instant.”

I never took the steps with those two things to prevent myself from going futher and further in a negative direction. So, now I feel like I have recognized them and it’s not a great situation but it is one that I can change. Everybody makes mistakes- but as long as you are willing to admit them to yourself you can grow from them, instead of letting them run your life. That is what I’m working on now.

Food:

Breakfast- Coffee (not great, i now)

Lunch- Leftover lettuce wraps from P.F. Changs. ( i don’t know about the calories for this- I ate half the dish last night and will have half for lunch)

Diner- T.B.D. I may check out this new produce place by my house.

I hope you are all doing well and had a great weekend!

xxx Jessica

Helllooooo and happy Friday!

I’ve been thinking a lot on body image lately. I think I mentioned in one of my last posts how when I went home for the weekend, I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection completely differently from how I see it out here in LA. I could see the weight on me. And I know that’s the (more) accurate idea of what my body looks like because the scale confirms how much weight I have gained. Strangely enough, since I”ve come back- I’ve been seeing myself like that all the time. So, while it obviously is not as pleasing to look in the mirror and see all of the 30 lbs I’ve put on, I have decided it is a good thing. I’m much gladder to see what I actually look like than what I what to look like.

This week away from home has been really good for me- I only brought certain kinds of food with me and the only times I feel like I really messed up were 1. When I got McDonalds and 2. When i forgot my lunch yesterday and ate some crappity crap from the cafe since I was stressing out. (My boss may be staging some kind of a coup within our department).

I feel like I’ve had time to assess what is going to work for me and I think that joining a Curves would be a really good choice of gym for me. I also really need to work on getting more fruit into my diet. I get a good amount of veggies- and I can still get the good nutrients without having to have perishables around all the time. But fruit is another story. I really love it I just never seem to buy/keep/ eat it before it goes bad. My boss seems to keep a lot of food in our fridge….. maybe if I bought a bag of apples and kept them in there?

I hope everyone had a good week and is looking forward to a relaxing weekend like me!!!

xxx Jessica

Soooo,

 My morning took a downward turn before it was even 9:00! I was supposed to have a movie “thing” with this guy from work who I ‘ve been crushing on. (Luckily, we work in seperate buildings, so that makes the prospect of dating a colleague seem like not such a risky idea).

This morning, I saw him in the parking lot. (super rare) And he waited for me… so i was feeling pretty chuffed up and pleased with myself and ready to discuss thai food and scary movie plans…. when he said, “Okay, so I have to be a total schmuck…..” and canceled. And the excuse is totally legit (his band is trying out 2 new singers) especially because i know he was away all last week so he didn’t have a say in when it was planned for. So, it’s less about that and more about. “urrrrgh, I had plans!”

And now I’m feeling like, “Jess.. get a life! What would you have done if you guys hadn’t had plans? Is it really that bad?” I really really hate how much guys can make my mood go up and down and up and down. So, I’ve evened myself out a little bit. This definitely sucks, but could be re-scheduled of course. I’m thinking I’m going to back off a little and just try to ‘let it happen’ (i’m so bad at that ). I do go to his band’s shows sometimes, so maybe we’ll hang out at one. Who knows. He is a great guy so I’m not exactly going, “oh f*ck it, on to the next” but I know I am putting way too much energy into trying to date right now.

BACK on the subject of slimming with buddies- I am having my granola/yoghurt combo today and I have Indian food for lunch (dal and a little bit of brown rice). It’s also pretty low calorie (340 for the entire box) and full of good things for me. I haven’t planned dinner yet. Last night I got McDonalds but I’m not really sure why. I was hungry but I had plenty of microwaveable food available. Felt not great afterwards but I slept alright. The dog that I am house-sitting for was sick while I was at work… I think I maybe overfed him? Hmm.

I hope you are all having a great day so far!

xx Jessica

EDIT:

I totally forgot it was Ash Wednesday!! Luckily, I found a church close to where I am house sitting that is doing a 7:30 mass for Ash Wednesday. wow. Can’t believe i have such a poor grip on time right now. BUT, I’m going to use this as a jumping off point!

So, today I am starting my morning off right. Plain yoghurt (w/ one packet of splenda) and gluten-free granola from Trader Joes which has lots of nuts (that i dont really like but I will eat them in this) and dried cranberies. It’s delicious! For lunch I am going to finish the tiny bit of tofu curry that I have left w/ brown rice and I brought a rice noodle bowl that is 260 calories for the whole thing.

I need to work out an afternoon snack plan. Yesterday I got so exhuasted (despite copious amounts of coffee) that I went to the vending machine and bought a candy bar, which is really a rarity for me. Work is kind of heating up and I need to be awake awake awake! But I also need to be able to fall asleep asleep asleep when I want to….. so I’m trying to find a balance. My boss is also waaay up and down in terms of mood/attitude, so I’m trying to find foods that will keep me energized and balanced. It makes me want to go back to macrobiotics (where balance is a major part of the theory behind it), but I don’t think I did it healthily… so must find a new way.

I’ve discovered that I like getting up earlier and getting into work earlier… maybe I’ll be able to work into getting up early enough to work out in the mornings. I have to say, it is much easier to wake up when I have a dog (i’m house-sitting). Even though Wallace is very willing to sleep for as long as you are- as soon as I get up and open the door he runs out… and I like to give him as much time as possible outside before i have to bring him in and leave for work. BUT.. my “ownership” is going to end this Sunday, so I’m going to have to find new motivation! haha. I hope all of you are doing well!

xxx Jessica

oh p.s. I weighed myself last night, so i am 146 as of 2/23/09.

Hello again all,

So, I haven’t been as diligent as I meant to be with my blogs/ food journaling (already) so I am setting some goals for myself for this week to see if short term goals work for me. So, my goals for this week:

1. Blog/ log food on Buddyslim everyday.

2. Make the choice everyday to pass up gluten. (I have celiac disease but I have been cheating a lot lately).

3. Be responsible about getting enough sleep.

So, I’ll try these out this week and see how it goes. I’ll be housesitting which I think will be good for a few reasons. Being in a new place can help me clear my head. Sometimes having the physical space makes me feel like I have more space in general. It will also put me on a better schedule (I will have to get up earlier to get in to work on time) so hopefully when I get back I’ll still be getting up nice and early. I’m thinking about joining the Curves by my house. Does anybody else belong to one? I’ve only heard good things about it so far- and I think it seems like a good way to ease back into exercising regularly.

So, this week is going to be mainly me focusing on my diet. I’m bringing food to the housesitting gig. Their kitchen is being redone so they have no running water (in the kitchen) and no counters- so I’ve brought a lot of microwaveable things like:

Trader Joe’s indian food (which is really low in calories)

Microwaveable brown rice (also TJs)

Vanilla Soy Yoghurt

Gluten free granola

Rice Noodle bowls.

I’m going to do a shopping for some fresh produce… peppers/apples/grapes(things I can cut and eat easily w/o really needing a kitchen) .

How do you all keep on track with your diets? Do you plan out your meals for the week?

Hope everyone has had a good weekend!

xx Jessica

Hello to all of you!

I cannot believe how long it has been since I have been on here. I’ve been thinking about this website a lot lately- I started to use another one (whose name I will not mention for its protection) but it had so many features/ bells and whistles that I just couldn’t get into it. So, I logged on here today and the first thing I see is that I have a message from Holly Rockstar! Now I know I’ve made the best decision.

So, I’ve been working long and hard- I now have a new job at a museum which I LOVE but has been hard on my weight. My old job was so close to home that I could go home and make/cook my lunches- which helped keep me in check. I’ve been working at this new job for a couple of months and still have not gotten into a good schedule/ habit of packing my lunch. So, frequently I buy. I have also developed a really unfortunate fast-food habit with the result that I am now 5′4 and weigh a little under 150 lbs. I kind of can’t believe it as I’m writing it.

Weirdly enough- I hardly noticed until I went home over the weekend. I swear, I looked in the mirrors there and went, “vaaas???” I asked my mom for her honest opinion which she gave in the most loving way that she could- but it did confirm that what I was looking at was the real reflection of my current self.

This all sounds very depressing, BUT my life in most other aspects is in a really excellent place right now, which makes me feel that it is a good time for me to begin a better health/life regime. Also, finding this website again gives me so much new confidence, as well as a desire to really work hard at acheiving my goals. I hope you are all having a great week so far and I will be trying to catch up with everyone ASAP!

EDIT:

I just wanted to add a bit more of a positive spin to this post because I know my lack of progress is not exactly inspiring. Today I:

1. Have written down everything I have had to eat or drink.

2. Made it a point to comment on other people’s blogs/subscribe to ones that I find inspiring/ will keep me motivated.

I’m trying to focus more on the positive things that happen daily- rather than seeing the whole day as one long grind.

While I don’t like feeding in the things I eat to the computer programs (seems to take a while and I’m never sure how accurate it is) I do think it’s important to log my food both in my notebook and on here. So, on today’s menu so far….

Breakfast:

1 cup coffee w/ lots of sugar and Silk soy creamer (french vanilla)

1 piece of toast with strawberry jam

1 small red velvet cupcake w/ icing (offices are evil)

Lunch:

1 bowl Trader Joe’s creamy tomato soup

1 piece dry toast

Dinner:

TBD

 Water: 3 glasses of water and 3 cups of green tea so far.

xxx Jessica

Hello all,

Sorry I have been so MIA for the past… how many days? A week? Ten? Can’t keep track. It has been a really crazy time lately… that has worked out quite well I believe. I have a computer now (hurrah!) which was sold to me by a veeeeery nice young man, who unfortunately I didn’t see when I went to pick it up, because I had decided to ask him out to coffee if he was there. (Getting bold there ) .

The coffee gig didn’t really work out BUT before you worry, I am now gainfully employed elsewhere.

Peet’s called me to re-schedule my training and then didn’t call, even though they said they wanted me to start ASAP. I called them last Monday and still haven’t heard anything. It is okay though, because I was offered a job in an oral surgery office and now I don’t feel guilty about going in and starting when I had been offered another job first (although I hadn’t signed anything).

So, I am now working as a receptionist and soon-to-be surgical assistant. My boss also pays for any and all training and certifications AND I discovered that every time I do something to ‘better’ myself, like becoming an x-ray tech or doing an advanced cardiac support certification, I get an automatic pay raise. (lovely for me because I hate negotiating). I am happy with my starting pay but I mean… who says no to a chance to up their salary?

I am sorry I have been so remiss in my buddyslimming. Thanks to everyone for the booster notes and thank you especially to lara for your email checking in on me. I am well, I’ve just been busy. As far as weight goes… it has stayed the same. My eating is not bad at all, but I know I’m not doing everything I can to speed me on my weight-loss journey. I also saw some very unflattering photos of me today…. my body doesn’t look so bad but I am carrying a lot in my face. My cheeks kind of take over the photos… it’s hard to describe since I don’t have a round face.. but it’s just a sort of swollen look I guess…. like, “oh, she would have cheekbones and you can sort of see them but they are under something…”

I am recommitting myself to fitness. AMAZINGLY, I found out that the doctor who heads my office makes his personal trainer available to the girls twice a week. So, those will be two hard hard workouts during the week and then I will try to swim on the weekends. I plan to first aim for 3 times a week without fail and then add in a fourth if I can work out the pool times at the gym. My friend Paige is a swimmer and is going to teach me about stroking correctly and breathing and building up a program. I am finally kind of getting it…. I didn’t like my situation with school and I changed it and got a job. Why haven’t I applied that to my body ?? It’s time for a kick in the rear. Hardcore food journaling, I have decided, is my first step.

xxx Jessica